Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I'll follow you into the dark

Its strange how strange it is to think about things. I mean, you think about things, and then you think about thinking about things, until you forget what you were thinking about that was so strange in the first place, you know?

So, I know that people die. And not just people, but everyone. And I know that sometimes its painful, and sometimes its not, and sometimes you get to say goodbye and sometimes you don't, and that sometimes you're old and sometimes you aren't, but you will die. Even if you don't have a heaven or hell, a purgatory, or a next level, or next life, or whatever to go to, your life will end. But its so strange, you see? You just are there and then you're not. And what are the others to do, the ones still living? I don't really get it, how, even with the belief that there is heaven, we are supposed to function after someone dies. I mean, they're dead, and we aren't, and its just crazy, to think about that kind of unfathomable separation. Its strange, and a bit funny I guess, to think about how hard it is to imagine something infinite, like space, or time, or god, and then also be stunned by the finite as well. Its like a joke even.

And I am finding myself rethinking all the things I've told families that are grieving, not thinking I was ever not genuine, but just trying to comfort myself, to see if what I say to people really helps. And maybe it doesn't, and maybe all I can do is just function at a level that their sorrow-stricken selves cannot, and that's okay.

But I do know that I'd like old rugged cross sung when I die.
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Adam said...

I like that Death Cab song.

Uncle Skip said...

"I'll follow you into the dark"

I'll hold the flashlight.

Seriously: The ones left behind many times are so consumed by their grief that they can't even conceive that anyone else understands. Sometimes the only thing to say is "I'm sorry for your loss."
Each of us feels we are unique and even more so when we're in pain. that's when it is most difficult for us to get outside of ourselves.

George Rutherford said...

That's why we have each other and all the generations that have led to us. I've wondered about those things too. Skip's comment shows why we have uncles, very wise.
You should know and I'm sure you do, that there have been many comments this week about all you've done to help.
I'll take The Old Rugged Cross too.

Carrie said...

Lovely, Sar. It is a hard thing to wrap your brain around, death. I think it helps people just knowing there's someone still living who's willing to hold their hand, give them a hug, say something softly and kindly.

George Rutherford said...


Gye Greene said...

It's interesting that you're just thinking about this **now** -- given your line of work. :) Or, does this float to the top of your consciousness every once in a while, and you're just now blogging about it?

Some people want to go quietly and peacefully, in their sleep. Me, I'd prefer some drawn-out, gradually debilitating illness: I gots too many irons in the fire -- loose ends to tie up.